Tag Archives: review

What makes the movie Cast Away (2000) by Robert Zemeckis remained in our hearts for a long time is the fact that Chuck, the protagonist, after so many adventures and personal losses, returns the FedEx parcel to the right destination with a note ‘this parcel saved my life’. By this time, this parcel might not have been expected to be delivered to the doorstep by the owner after he or she would have heard about the plane crash, or even FedEx itself might not have expected that, after such crash, the above said parcel could be delivered to the due owner.

Nobody can expect more than life survival in such an accident. Chuck does his level best to save his life as well as the packages supposed to be delivered by air by FedEx. What Chuck proves here is that existence is not just survival but ‘duty to the other’ can stand above our day to day survival game in glorifying our life. This is shown not only in his professional devotion to the FedEx agency but even in his sacrifice to love. He shows so much endurance to ‘wait’ even without an obvious hope in what he is waiting for, and the entire movie displays how difficult it is to overcome terrible loneliness when man is caught in infinite nature.

His girl friend was driven by a simple survival instinct when she chooses to marry another with a loose conclusion that Chuck is dead after the crash, since a.) everybody believed so b.) no one can survive in such a crash. She did not choose to continue her life with the sweet memories of their love for the rest of her life. Such action could have made her love ( hence life) a universal one through her devotion to ‘courtly love’ (a kind of love that waits forever even though there is no much hope that the other will love you in return). At a very practical level, such waiting could have made the situation less complicated once Chuck actually returned home (Zizek would argue that this is a kind of ‘mis-recognition’ since the real bad time would begin with their reunion and marriage One can see that she runs a very ordinary and dull marriage life. Hence love remains sublimated without its bourgeoisie marriage). She fainted by the news that he has returned because the news was a shocking Real (the unexpected) for her. This means that in her unconscious this ‘return’ was actually expected. She knew that Chuck really loved her and that love itself could have saved his life (not the parcel actually, parcel here is just an instrument of communication). When Chuck was lonely in the island what gave him hope to return and to survive in this God forsaken island was her image in the opposite side of the watch. He keeps on looking at it and that gives him hope to go back to ‘civilization’ rather than giving up (but by that time civilization has returned to primitiveness by simply choosing survival) . He had enough difficulties and hardships to demotivate his motive and to ‘give up’ (and die finally) but his love for her as well as motive to return the only remaining parcel made his hope constantly ignited. The only sad aspect of humanity is that there is no destination to return to after so much of sacrifice; there was no love and waiting from the other side and even the owner is not at home to receive the parcel. They have given up hope when they must actually be the ones who must be expecting such return.

After returning the parcel, Chuck seems lost as to what he should do next or where he may go afterwards (so far what kept his journey meaningful was the parcel, and once it is delivered he needs another hope to live). The girl who finally appears in the film mistakenly asks whether Chuck is lost and she volunteers to guide him showing the directions. It seems to me that Chuck needs no further guidance since so far he had been guided by some universal values of professionalism and love and for the rest of his life too they will be the guiding forces (not just another woman who may not wait until he returns. This again proves that she is not capable of such universal devotion for a final end). In the junction that Chuck is waiting in the last shot of the film, there are four directions to different destinations. Whither Chuck heads to will not therefore be a problem because wherever he chooses to go to, he will be guided by those values and he would be glorified by his deeds themselves even in a future unseen. For a person who is actually devoted to his duty, the time and space are immaterial. Apart from the apparent FedEx propagandist motive behind the movie, the lesson one can learn out of this is the obligation to Kantian value of ‘duty to other’ would make man glorified and can make him more than himself. One should not give up hope and fight even if there is no immediate final end. This may be the political lesson of this movie.

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The Room

Oh, hi dear readers, ha-ha-ha, this is another thriller movie from Tommy Wiseau-the Room. The movie which was intended to be a serious love drama but turned out to be a black comedy. Yeah, a black comedy! We know if the drama doesn’t go well it is a time to change the genre.

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And it worked out well, not any movie can be so stupid to the pain in the ass and entertaining as the Room! Anyway, the hell for it was named the ROOM? What’s exactly about the room was mentioned in the movie? Just fuck it, there is no logic anyway.

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I think the movie has  got its promotion especially with the help of Nostalgia Critic and YouTube. You see? What we did mention in our Filmmaking School that the online promotion is a powerful tool and the Room is a great example of that!

Does it make any sense to bitch about badness?

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What can we say about the movie? To be honest with you, I would say I like it! Why? Because its a sincere story and naive acting. I like Tommy for his positiveness in this movie (and I even didn’t see him alive), yes he is a terrible actor but believe me that it is exactly what makes him amazing and entertaining. Especial attention deserves Denny and Mark, I think those guys are the only and real actors in that shitty movie. The only person who spoils the fun is Lisa’s mother whose lines are so lame that even Tommy Wiseau can say ten time “What a schztor-r-r-y Mark”  with no accent.

Now like I said in my title it doesn’t make any sense to bitch about the stupid and amusing lines like “You are tearing me apart, Lisa” etc, because that is the whole movie is about. Dive in the Room and take a pleasure of French accents and blunt acting!

[five-star-rating]

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Robocop 3

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Robocop 3 is the last sequel of the great franchise, except of the TV series which are definitely sucks. Did I mention that since first movie Robocop 2 started slowly degenerating to a level of the stupid and the lame action with the simple premise like get the kid and kill another villain robot? Did I mention about NUKE power and stupidity of  being robot addict? Yes, that was Robocop 2 and it was kind of funny to bash to the balls, because Robocop 2 was stupid but still entertaining back then.

But what we can say about Robocop 3? Unfortunately the third part was so boring and gibberish in story that I even don’t want it to compare with Robocop 2.  I really don’t want to make a review, but let me ask some questions.

Ninja robot? Really?

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Does he look like a robot? Moreover, could you believe that a ninja can be a robot? If he a fucking cyborg why do he need to be a ninja then? And how he jumps so high if he made of metal inside, we can see it then Robocop chops him down. By the way, why that ninja-robot uses the sword in 21st century being in America? Did director really think that Japanese people don’t know how to use guns? Isn’t kind of stereotypical. I could possible lead to the thoughts of the screenwriter of this shitty movie. Just imagine a writer behind his table who is scratching his head with the pencil:  “We need an evil robot! Yes, like in the previous series, coz that worked well! Now we need something new… like… the Japanese…. Japan? Lemme guess. The Japanese man… Hara-kiri? Japan? Samurai? Sword? Oh YA! The Japanese robot with the sword!” Another freaking question, is he a cyborg, played by a human actor then how you suppose to convince audience that he is a cyborg not a human? Yea, Schwarzenegger did it well in Terminator, but not this Japanese guy!

OCP takes over the world?

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Where is the government in this movie? I know it more looks like today’s America then the corporations and banks are buying out our houses, but that we have seen about OCP? It’s just a corporation, it is cannot attack citizens with weapons because it could mean only one — a civil war. Could you believe that the Bank of America will bring out on the streets of USA the troops… Yeah, to be honestly I pretty believe in that and that happens pretty well now… But, the point of my rant is why the fuck they brought the tanks, it more looks like the Nazi regime… okay, okay, this is what is happening in America today and what has happened before. Remember the black riots of 1967? Tanks? Soldiers? Yes corporations are taking over the world and this is maybe the one serious point to this movie! It reflects our reality pretty well.

Let’s pray

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What the fuck? Church? What? Church? I mean, I’m not against it, I‘m religious man too, but put Robocop inside the church and you will spoil all macho style of this movie? Can you imagine Terminator in a prayer’s cab? Or universal soldier sitting on the bench? How it could possibly be entertaining to be involved around the Church if your movie expected to be a kick ass action with the Robocop himself?! What will be the next? An orphanage?

The spirit of Louis?

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Now this another mistake in Robocop 3 the spirit thing. How we can combine those too different contradictory elements in the movie about cyborg? How they could coexist and be taken seriously by audience? This is a Robocop a realistic, somber, criminal and violent movie! This is about the life and greed, corruption and bigotry, death and treachery, dirt and violence of America… ghosts? When it become a Disney movie? Why it smells like bullshit? I mean Disney pictures are great, but try to combine it with the Godfather movie isn’t it would be bullshit? We have a good premise in the Robocop 1 about corruption and criminal activates in Detroit, why just don’t stay in that way? No! The spirit comes to Robocop and helps him! I believe in spirits and love, but you should to believe me, that is not compatible with the Robocop, this is not compatible with America in common. You should be a violent motherfucker!

Mario-Robocop?

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Wow, we can fly! Lets buy the audience with gadgets. Let see in the first movie he was just walking like a jerk, in the second he has a bike, cool! But in the third he will… swim? Remember the hacked Mario cartridges for NES? They were green. Yellow and orange. There was one mode then Mario was flying like a hell! It was in the late of 80’s and the beginning of 90’s, the time of the second Robocop. I presume I know the source of inspiration for that flying trick!

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Does that was necessary? Many kids were like stunned by the new wings of Robocop and yes it looked pretty well, especially on the cover of the NES cartridge. But once again, the main picture of the thirst Robocop is totally broke. Yes, it is good to see that Robocop became a public hero in a third part but why the movie director made accentuated on that well? Why he combined churches, spirits, wings and Japanese samurais in one pot? Isn’t a little bit strange blender we got here? It looks like the movie producer wanted to show us all his fantasies and potential of the movie, but in the common we have god an outdated pizza with the smeared cheese.

Don’t want to criticize it anymore, but can definitely say this is the most failed and boring Robocop sequel. It’s not even stupid and fun like the second part it’s just boring and gibberish. Don’t waste your time, better play some golf with your dog, be a man not a machine.

[five-star-rating]

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Robocop 2

Robocop 2 (1992) or the secrete of the NUKE! Welcome to the fucking stupidity and the world of the lobotomized screenwriters. You probably remember the voice recognition program on Windows XP which was named Microsoft Sam Voice? The voice recognition soft where you are putting your words and the machine pronounce it like a human being. Remember how we were trying to put something plausible out of that junk shit motherfucker with the metallic speech? In the same way tried out the screenwriter of the Robocop 2 movie, typing the random words like “nuts”, “Nike”, “NUKE” and “this is the bust” to make out a really “cool” movie script about the Robot who is also a fucking cop and even a little bit a human being!

What the fuck, sir?

First of all, what’s happened with the city? Where is the real, dark and repulsive Detroit with the gray and somber weather? What do we see in the second Robocop, a sun? Blue sky? The children are playing near the broken water pimp? Really? Did the director of the movie really forget to put some rainbow and puppies in this sci-fuck? OMFG I see the rainbow!

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Alright, the background pattern is already broken, but this is not so fatal isn’t? The second moment, that pisses me off, what’s happened with our main hero, the Robocop? I mean, he is in the same shape and design, but look at his movements! He moves so overacted that it looks like the actor tried to fucking over-Robocop the Robocop! Why he knocks the door at the beginning of the movie and then knocks it out? Is that supposed to be in the best traditions of Looney Tunes? Did I mention that Orion produced this pile of crap not WB?

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And what’s up with the one-liners? “Your move, creep”? Okay, this is kind of funny, but how about “This is a bust”? And Robocop says his first line of the movie directly like I cited: “This is a bust!” I want to ask something from a movie director too: “Is this supposed to be a joke?” Coz, I don’t get it! And I don’t see any fucking punch line here. If the whole Robocop humor concerns those stupid one-liners, why just do not put the punch lines like “This was a joke” after every lame sentence!? What we had in the first movie? “Dead or alive you will come with me” and here we have “this is a bust”. And it sums up the degradation of the series, as I mentioned.

But my boss… you are just a kid…

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How about villains, villains make the central point of any action movie? Really? Do you really believe that Robocop 2 has something serious to offer about villains? How about some kids who are smearing up Robocop with the spray? How about another baseball fan kids in the blue caps robbing the store on Woodward Ave? And finally, how about the 10 years old kid who is the boss of the whole fucking drug mafia and in the same time, the main character of the movie? Yes, the kid is the villain, could you believe in that? There are only kids and kids in this shit ass movie! I mean, what is the fucking problem of the movie director? Did he have some pedophile desires at that period of time? Seriously, could you believe that the major of Detroit (Klippatrick I presume) will contact with the 10 years old kid for a big-mother-fucking-deal-of-the-year?

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I mean this is a Robocop movie! The violent and harsh criminal action in Terminator traditions! Remember the villains form the first Robocop? Does they were talking shit like in the second movie? They were fucking killers and smugglers. Remember how they slaughtered Alex Murthy literally tearing him apart? Firstly, they ripped off his wrist and then the whole hand! And only after that they shot him down! What a bastards! Well, forget about that, all what we have in Robocop 2 is a cheap ass dismantling of Robocop. Could they come up with something more intimidating than dismantling? This is not the Lego movie!

And another outrageous question, why anyone surrounding this boss-kid do not rid of him? Why they are so afraid of him? Know you why? You think he is a son of Chuck Norris? No fucking shit! He has a…

NUKE! NUKE! Nuke’em down, baby!

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NUKE is you power motherfucker! He holds it in his hand, trying to control the world! NUKE is your power you bitch ass nigga…. I’m sorry, I was under the effect of NUKE.

NUKE is a drug, and the boss-kid posses it. Then why don’t punch the kid in the stomach and take it out? Because he have a gun? Every fucking asshole has a gone in this movie! Moreover, why the drug scientist, who created the drug do not sell it for his own profit? What, the kid said “no” and it worked out? Camel is your mother, dear screenwriter!

Robo-nuker? Or just addicted peace of shit?

Now take a gasp, I know you tired to read this all, but we have a robot addict in this movie! Fuck yeah, why not? The evil robot made of the spinal cord of the drug user, who constantly asks some NUKE before going to sleep. Oh, my God, did the scientist check his brain on NUKE? Who needs a robot addict? How it possible to be a robot addict if you have not body and seizures anymore? The corrupted brain? You maybe, right then what is the point to create a killer on your own ass? Dear major of Detroit, you fucked up again!

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Now, to give a credit to this movie I’ll probably suggest one funny scene, where the commission of OCP attends the new robot demonstration. That was a lot of fun to watch different Robocop models which were going crazy with no reason, shooting down scientists and making suicide.

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What we can say about this movie? This is a step back. And step back in screenwriting at the first place! The movie could be more interesting than even the first part if they put some real villains and plausible story around that new drug named NUKE. But, unfortunately, we have some parody, which could be entertaining enough for some strange reasons. Maybe it’s because you still see Murphy and his mate in a lame action? Who knows, I’m going to take some another doze of NUKE, good luck!

[five-star-rating]

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Robocop

The first or the original Robocop movie (1987) is maybe only the true one, which we can call the best of the series. The other following series like Robocop 2 and Robocop 3 are still disputable flicks with no innovations at all (except maybe the 3d part). And we are not taking in consideration the TV series which are definitely suck ass! First of all, this movie is a big hit and even event in sci-fi genre of 80’s. Robocop is a good example that the sophisticated genre like science fiction can be so marketable and entertaining in the couple with action! The Terminator is definitely another good example.

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The success of the movie is a Robocop itself. People always liked masculine superhero robots and Robocop had an original design and character never shown before in Hollywood so well. All starts with Alex Murphy, this is the famous name now, just like John Connor for many people. Alex Murthy is a typical Detroit cop, and I guess many people heard about notorious murder-city too! He operates in his heavy duty job and gets the trace on a vicious drug gang! But wait a second! I will not describe you the whole movie! Let’s criticize a little bit.

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First of all, how looks the Detroit city In this movie? Is it realistic for 80’s? Is it realistic for Detroit? Yes, it looks more like Dallas, because it is mostly Dallas TX, but we can follow up for some Detroit locations too, like burned out Ford plants and abandoned factories, cranes, metal shifts, etc. Yes, this is more like Detroit, bad weather, cold and rusted metal. Gangs are ruling the streets, drugs are cheaper than ice cream  and all you need to get a gun is just to shout out: “guys I need a gun!” and somebody definitely with the black skin will approach to you with his supply on your offer.

Truly American approach

In the Robocop movie you can see all about Detroit and America itself – violence, cars, drugs, guns, corruption did I mention violence? Even Paul Verhoven delivers his message pertaining the GM’s collapse in this movie. Remember hilarious advertising scenes in the first Robocop movie? We forgot to mention that Paul Verhoven, that German bastard and brother of Uwo Boll was an advertiser before his move career! Look at the ads like this for example:

[blockquote_message]Buy only the best cars! D3000 SUX! Bigger means better![/blockquote_message]

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Here we see some references to Chrysler 300D, the huge muscle car of 60’s! Of course, we all know that Americans like big cars, but that sarcasm and irony “bigger means better” is wrong for economy, especially when you have the fuel efficient Toyota and Honda on your ass! Even the Robocop looks like he was designed and assembled in one of the GM’s plant in Detroit! Bulky, heavy, shiny, metallic, awkward, glitchy… can we say just Chrysler?

So, now we see that the movie director has chose the Detroit city not just out of the vault, sitting in German pub and watching the Nazi TV shows. He chose it for mockery and criticizing American economy and cowboy style! And now we are criticizing him for that movie! And I can definitely say Robocop is a good movie!

Maybe the worst part of the movie is the violent and gruesome scene, there officer Murthy gets killed by a four eyed villain Clarence Bodykicker (?). The scene has a deliberately prolongation of violent derision and humiliation under police officer’s body, back then in the abandoned factory. Especially, the part with the ripped out hand, which was excluded from the theatrical release. And I think it was made right towards our children. And we are still asking about the high crime rates?

Experimenting or bullshitting?

Another outraging moment, how Alex Murthy could be possibly survived for OCP’s Robocop experiment after then villain shot him directly in the head? I mean, the brain has been obviously damaged, why they picked up the man with the damaged brain for the experiment? In Detroit city everyday somebody dies from more “reliable” and “soft” wounds like cancer and chest explosion! Couldn’t OCP pick up some villains or bums who just nearly dying from cancer or just had shot in the chest after another robbery on Woodward Ave? Many people in Colorado would do that for money with their healthy bodies!

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And look at this screenshot, Robocop’s back head is totally metallic! What, they have totally drained out the brain and put inside electronic schemes instead of the brain? Then why they should to pick up a human body at all, if the Robocop in 99% consists of metal and micro schemes? Just to skin up the human face on the cyborg carcass? By the way, that human face of Murphy is also concealed behind the metal mask, so we could see only the lips and sometimes eyes! Another question is how the hell Murphy had those memories about the past in that creepy lobotomized condition?

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All right, this review is not about scientific part of the movie; let’s say that Robocop is a classic sci-fi action movie which is very entertaining to watch, except some too explicit and gruesome moments. The villains are great, the story about mayor and corruption is also reflects our reality. Detroit streets are awesome and dangerous. The robot-villain is stupid and intimidating! The ending is original!

Now the Robocop franchise is looks like has totally exhausted. However, It would be interesting if somebody will make a movie like “Robocop and the secret of OCP”, or “Robocop-the revenge of Morgan!” Damn, I need some pills or should I say some NUKE?

Check part 2 and reveal the evils plans of Robocop and Detroit mayor!

[five-star-rating]

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Spartacus

The original Spartacus of Stanley Kubrick is definitely more than just a historic movie. It is more than just an Oscar winning picture and classic. The Spartacus is a rare example of the masterpiece and icon of the cinematography of XXth century! This movie is a whole book of life, history and philosophy. Can you say that about Titanic (1997) for example? Titanic was so exaggerated overrated movie of all times that made Avatar look good. Like a motion picture Titanic was just OK, but it was much better like a musical, because the musical part in Titanic the only thing we have all appreciated well.

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The Spartacus was made many years before that Cameron’s slick Titanic, and it still looks professionally and inspiriting. First of all, look at the casting crew; do you see here some blond teenagers with the famine girlish face (aka Di Caprio, Beiber)? Kirk Douglas-and this sums all up. Kirk Douglas is like Robert De Niro, you look at his eyes and you see the story. Could you say the same about today’s faggot actors like Brad Pitt, Orlado Doomed and Di Caprio?

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The grandiose picture of Roman Empire in its glory looks more like a heavy and leathered book of history from your central library; it looks like a poem of Homer — laconic, but harsh and severe in details. Spartacus has his fate and he struggles against humiliation and injustice as he can physically and spiritually, gathering people like him around Roman lands and provinces. This movie accentuates the escape of Spartacus from the Roman training camp as a result of love to Felicia- a young Greek slave woman-who was suddenly bargained out and transported from Spartacus to Crass-the notorious Roman general. That makes a movie more like a romantic novel, than a historic fact. But as we know, the history is just the same novel and fiction, but logically based on and approached to some possible facts. Possible facts are just that then possible everything.

The trace of Empire

Maybe most memorable and legendary line of Spartacus in this epopee, which makes you feel that the old Hollywood is still has something spiritual to offer, is then Spartacus meets with the singer and poet. After the great escape Spartacus gathers some slaves around him and makes a fire camp. The freed people are eating around the fire now, chatting about different trifle things and then the poet stands up and signs the song. The poet tells his song about home and freedom and Spartacus comes off the camp, hiding behind a tree sadly. His stolen woman asks him why you’ve left off the camp and what has happened. Then the Spartacus turns to Filicia and reveals himself in the following phrase which I will try to reproduce from my memory:

[blockquote_message]He have everything. He can tell the songs. But what I can do? What do I have in this world? I even can’t read.[/blockquote_message]

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This line makes you see the real poorness and cruelness of the Roman Empire then people were enchained for a hard work as animals. Here we see the outcasts and products of Empire and we do realize that any great Empire sacrifices too much of people’s spirit and talent for that progress of a war. The history repeats itself and we can say that was in Nazi Germany, in USSR and in the USA and China today. This movement towards progress is a world of Spartacus there you are slave in anything, if not physically than spiritually and physiologically.

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The battle moments of coliseum made realistic – fast and bloody. In comparison with the Gladiator (2001) it looks harsher and simpler. The Gladiator’s battle is a whole spectacle and musical performance. The central moment of Gladiator is a battle theater itself and the mood of the crowd. Most time of the movie Spaniard hangs up in different battle arenas. In the Spartacus movie the main events are accentuated on a theater of the open-air battles and drama of a whole epoch of Roman Empire, not just on the main hero, Spartacus. However, they have some common elements like love story between the man and the woman, but the slavery aspect in Gladiator founded very weak. Both movies are great, but once again Spartacus (1960) is the indisputable masterpiece of all times, not just a commercial success, but an icon of cinema.

I’m Spartacus

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There is no need to describe a whole movie and spoil the interest. For all of those who never seen it is great shame to not see it. The movie is long, approximately 4 hours, and that makes it more like a long Roman epopee. It has many iconic moments like Speech of Crass about Roman Empire, speech of Spartacus with the foreign trader and in the assaulted coliseum and so on and on. The Spartacus movie is the rare example about which we can only say that you should buy it and watch in a big screen! Don’t waste your own time (4hrs!). Believe this movie is not just another of those passing hits and flicks which you will firstly preview in atrocious quality or online and then maybe buy a ticket to theater. This movie definitely deserves the separate place in your golden collection of the legendary movie of all times!

[five-star-rating]

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Hellraiser

Welcome to Clive Barker’s dark mind.

Holly shit, this guy is sick! I mean only a total schizoid like him can create those freaks in leather, yeah I mean the Cenobites. The man is talent and knows the ways of dark marketing, coz the monsters look stylish and memorable. My favorite is a Pinhead and asshole with the black glasses.

First of all, this movie a classic and like a second part it is a hit of all times without any shadow of doubt. However, let’s look at some ridiculous and freaking out moments, you know I like to do that!!!

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First of all, how the hellraiser – the villain guy who escaped from the Cenobites – how he fucking escaped from them? I mean, if he was dead and was torn apart in hell how the fuck he escaped to a material world in condition of a slime? If you remember he was under floor in a slime condition drinking the blood.   Moreover, later he said what he deceived Cenobites and escaped. Let me guess, he said “Hey guys, look, an alien!” and when the Cenobites turned their heads away he has slimmed away. Holly crap!
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Okay these are a horror and mystic fantasies nobody gives a shit about logic of hell, and this is maybe a fair point, but we still have another unsolved misunderstanding. When the main heroine (the young girl) holds the hell cube and the Cenobite are appearing to take her in hell, she mentions that bastard hellraiser. And what do you thinks

So what is about a cube? If it is so powerful then why the Cenobites don’t take it away to sweet hell? What the fuck? I mean they like “Don’t do that! Give us that cube it’s all us” and then the girl solves the puzzle they vanish! I mean we can definitely see that they can touch physical objects; they are already in a real fucking world in her house! They are staying in a floor, they are crashing woods, sending chains, one fat Cenobite with glasses even has been smashed by a falling apart ceiling. I mean, just take the fucking cube and get the hell out of the…. Earth?

Okay I don’t wanna bitch around that question, the movie is awesome, I want to recommend it to the new Transformer and WWF generation to watch, or better to read it! Or if you don’t the man with the nails in his head will tear your souls apart!

[five-star-rating]

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