Robocop 2

Robocop 2 (1992) or the secrete of the NUKE! Welcome to the fucking stupidity and the world of the lobotomized screenwriters. You probably remember the voice recognition program on Windows XP which was named Microsoft Sam Voice? The voice recognition soft where you are putting your words and the machine pronounce it like a human being. Remember how we were trying to put something plausible out of that junk shit motherfucker with the metallic speech? In the same way tried out the screenwriter of the Robocop 2 movie, typing the random words like “nuts”, “Nike”, “NUKE” and “this is the bust” to make out a really “cool” movie script about the Robot who is also a fucking cop and even a little bit a human being!

What the fuck, sir?

First of all, what’s happened with the city? Where is the real, dark and repulsive Detroit with the gray and somber weather? What do we see in the second Robocop, a sun? Blue sky? The children are playing near the broken water pimp? Really? Did the director of the movie really forget to put some rainbow and puppies in this sci-fuck? OMFG I see the rainbow!

Alright, the background pattern is already broken, but this is not so fatal isn’t? The second moment, that pisses me off, what’s happened with our main hero, the Robocop? I mean, he is in the same shape and design, but look at his movements! He moves so overacted that it looks like the actor tried to fucking over-Robocop the Robocop! Why he knocks the door at the beginning of the movie and then knocks it out? Is that supposed to be in the best traditions of Looney Tunes? Did I mention that Orion produced this pile of crap not WB?

And what’s up with the one-liners? “Your move, creep”? Okay, this is kind of funny, but how about “This is a bust”? And Robocop says his first line of the movie directly like I cited: “This is a bust!” I want to ask something from a movie director too: “Is this supposed to be a joke?” Coz, I don’t get it! And I don’t see any fucking punch line here. If the whole Robocop humor concerns those stupid one-liners, why just do not put the punch lines like “This was a joke” after every lame sentence!? What we had in the first movie? “Dead or alive you will come with me” and here we have “this is a bust”. And it sums up the degradation of the series, as I mentioned.

But my boss… you are just a kid…

How about villains, villains make the central point of any action movie? Really? Do you really believe that Robocop 2 has something serious to offer about villains? How about some kids who are smearing up Robocop with the spray? How about another baseball fan kids in the blue caps robbing the store on Woodward Ave? And finally, how about the 10 years old kid who is the boss of the whole fucking drug mafia and in the same time, the main character of the movie? Yes, the kid is the villain, could you believe in that? There are only kids and kids in this shit ass movie! I mean, what is the fucking problem of the movie director? Did he have some pedophile desires at that period of time? Seriously, could you believe that the major of Detroit (Klippatrick I presume) will contact with the 10 years old kid for a big-mother-fucking-deal-of-the-year?

I mean this is a Robocop movie! The violent and harsh criminal action in Terminator traditions! Remember the villains form the first Robocop? Does they were talking shit like in the second movie? They were fucking killers and smugglers. Remember how they slaughtered Alex Murthy literally tearing him apart? Firstly, they ripped off his wrist and then the whole hand! And only after that they shot him down! What a bastards! Well, forget about that, all what we have in Robocop 2 is a cheap ass dismantling of Robocop. Could they come up with something more intimidating than dismantling? This is not the Lego movie!

And another outrageous question, why anyone surrounding this boss-kid do not rid of him? Why they are so afraid of him? Know you why? You think he is a son of Chuck Norris? No fucking shit! He has a…

NUKE! NUKE! Nuke’em down, baby!

NUKE is you power motherfucker! He holds it in his hand, trying to control the world! NUKE is your power you bitch ass nigga…. I’m sorry, I was under the effect of NUKE.

NUKE is a drug, and the boss-kid posses it. Then why don’t punch the kid in the stomach and take it out? Because he have a gun? Every fucking asshole has a gone in this movie! Moreover, why the drug scientist, who created the drug do not sell it for his own profit? What, the kid said “no” and it worked out? Camel is your mother, dear screenwriter!

Robo-nuker? Or just addicted peace of shit?

Now take a gasp, I know you tired to read this all, but we have a robot addict in this movie! Fuck yeah, why not? The evil robot made of the spinal cord of the drug user, who constantly asks some NUKE before going to sleep. Oh, my God, did the scientist check his brain on NUKE? Who needs a robot addict? How it possible to be a robot addict if you have not body and seizures anymore? The corrupted brain? You maybe, right then what is the point to create a killer on your own ass? Dear major of Detroit, you fucked up again!

Now, to give a credit to this movie I’ll probably suggest one funny scene, where the commission of OCP attends the new robot demonstration. That was a lot of fun to watch different Robocop models which were going crazy with no reason, shooting down scientists and making suicide.

What we can say about this movie? This is a step back. And step back in screenwriting at the first place! The movie could be more interesting than even the first part if they put some real villains and plausible story around that new drug named NUKE. But, unfortunately, we have some parody, which could be entertaining enough for some strange reasons. Maybe it’s because you still see Murphy and his mate in a lame action? Who knows, I’m going to take some another doze of NUKE, good luck!